Leave some space

It is natural to hold on tightly to the things and people we love. By clinging to them we feel we can be sure that they won’t drift away, that we’ll always have them nearby. We do this to cherished beliefs about ourselves too! The way we perceive ourselves is imperfectly aligned with reality, nevertheless we treat our identity as the most real of all things. Protecting this concept of our self is fundamental to our mental well-being. Unfortunately it is almost certainly a skewed impression, a fantasy world that collides with reality if we ever let ourselves see it. It can be very painful to have moments of clarity about our behaviours, personal qualities, and appearance. It may occur during moments of introspection and meditation, or more painfully, through the observations of others. This feedback cuts so deeply into our psyche that we prefer to ignore it, to shut it out, to defend. Doing so keeps us in a safe space but also inhibits personal growth. What if we were to accept this feedback as an opportunity to examine areas for improvement? To use it as a source of alignment with how things really are, and thereby build our conception of ourselves on a solid foundation? The Sanskrit word Aparigraha is one of the Yamas in Yogic philosophy. Aparigraha can be translated as non-grasping or non-attachment. You may find that holding less tightly to your idea of self means that you take yourself less seriously - become more playful, do more experimenting?

By softening our grasp on the things we love - including our deeply held ideas of self - we find an opportunity to explore new angles and observation points that will strengthen our relationships and our resilience. It’s okay to make space for growth, creating room to breathe and to reset.